I haven’t been on here in a very long time and I’m not sure if I’ll post regularly. I don’t even plan on making this a long post. As soon as I started writing, I lost interest, actually.
I’m very unmotivated and I have no goals in life… There’s nothing that I want to do and nothing that interests me. Everyday I just sit, wasting my life away on the internet and I hate it. And I don’t live in too good of an area to just go exploring… And even if I did, I’d still be too scared of getting lost or something of the sort. And I… I’m just sick of everything… My life is so boring and I feel like I could be spending it on something better but I don’t know what…. I know that something is missing but I don’t know what it is. And I’m sick of it.
I couldn’t stay interested in anything for all of the money in the world. I get tired of things so easily and I can’t commit to anything, I wish something would hold my interest.
I’ve always loved EXO and I’ve been loving them even more lately. I love them so so much but I know that I shouldn’t spend too much time on them… I think… I think that I need a friend like Baekhyun right about now… Maybe both a friend like D.O and Baekhyun… That would be nice.
And I haven’t been consistent at all with learning Korean… I haven’t studied all month. I just… And I’m jealous of people who can push themselves. It’s just… what am I doing here… I don’t have a purpose, any goals… And I want to, that’s the thing. I wanna live a great life but I’m just saddened at the fact that I’m wasting it. Time is slipping right through my fingers and I’m not doing anything about it… I don’t know what to do.
And I’ve been spending too much time on Instagram, I guess. But I made a YouTube channel and I have… 15 YouTube videos out right now. I should be proud of that… Wow, ahhh, 15. Okay, that made me happy for a few seconds. I just posted a video like… two days ago but I know that I need to be more consistent and to stay true to that, I should have another video out next week. But I literally have no idea what to film. And then I have all of these ideas but I don’t write them down. And I don’t want to film when anybody’s in the house; I only filmed when I was alone…
And I want to move out and live by myself but I can’t find a job. Nobody’s hiring or at least, nobody’s hiring me. It’s just “No, no, no.” I’m tired of hearing “Thank you for your application but we’ll be looking for other people.” I’m sick of it. I just… I wanna take control of my own life but I can’t even get a job. I’m 19, in college, took out some loans and I don’t have a job and the interest is just going up. I have to always ask my parents for money… It sucks… I kind of hate my life just a bit.
And I don’t have that many friends… I’m a loser. I’m a failure. I hate all of this. I just… I don’t even know what I want. How about I win the lottery, move to Korea, and call it a day, lol. Anyway, I’m sick of all of this. I’m sorry for complaining but, urgh…
I don’t know what else to say so I’ll just end it here…