Well… hey~

I haven’t been on here in a very long time and I’m not sure if I’ll post regularly. I don’t even plan on making this a long post. As soon as I started writing, I lost interest, actually.

I’m very unmotivated and I have no goals in life… There’s nothing that I want to do and nothing that interests me. Everyday I just sit, wasting my life away on the internet and I hate it. And I don’t live in too good of an area to just go exploring… And even if I did, I’d still be too scared of getting lost or something of the sort. And I… I’m just sick of everything… My life is so boring and I feel like I could be spending it on something better but I don’t know what…. I know that something is missing but I don’t know what it is. And I’m sick of it.

I couldn’t stay interested in anything for all of the money in the world. I get tired of things so easily and I can’t commit to anything, I wish something would hold my interest.

I’ve always loved EXO and I’ve been loving them even more lately. I love them so so much but I know that I shouldn’t spend too much time on them… I think… I think that I need a friend like Baekhyun right about now… Maybe both a friend like D.O and Baekhyun… That would be nice.

And I haven’t been consistent at all with learning Korean… I haven’t studied all month. I just… And I’m jealous of people who can push themselves. It’s just… what am I doing here… I don’t have a purpose, any goals… And I want to, that’s the thing. I wanna live a great life but I’m just saddened at the fact that I’m wasting it. Time is slipping right through my fingers and I’m not doing anything about it… I don’t know what to do.

And I’ve been spending too much time on Instagram, I guess. But I made a YouTube channel and I have… 15 YouTube videos out right now. I should be proud of that… Wow, ahhh, 15. Okay, that made me happy for a few seconds. I just posted a video like… two days ago but I know that I need to be more consistent and to stay true to that, I should have another video out next week. But I literally have no idea what to film. And then I have all of these ideas but I don’t write them down. And I don’t want to film when anybody’s in the house; I only filmed when I was alone…

And I want to move out and live by myself but I can’t find a job. Nobody’s hiring or at least, nobody’s hiring me. It’s just “No, no, no.” I’m tired of hearing “Thank you for your application but we’ll be looking for other people.” I’m sick of it. I just… I wanna take control of my own life but I can’t even get a job. I’m 19, in college, took out some loans and I don’t have a job and the interest is just going up. I have to always ask my parents for money… It sucks… I kind of hate my life just a bit.

And I don’t have that many friends… I’m a loser. I’m a failure. I hate all of this. I just… I don’t even know what I want. How about I win the lottery, move to Korea, and call it a day, lol. Anyway, I’m sick of all of this. I’m sorry for complaining but, urgh…

I don’t know what else to say so I’ll just end it here…

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I’m Back!

“Do what makes you happy.” I mean… I guess writing makes me happy, or it’s something that I don’t hate entirely, but either way, it doesn’t really get you any money. Due to my lack of talent and interest in other majors, I’m stuck with one in English. Not to disparage those who have a genuine interest and burning passion for English but what I associate that major with is unemployment. And everything seems extra uncertain if you don’t plan on being a teacher with your English degree.

When I think of a career, I guess writing gives me the most joy. Or perhaps it’s the only thing that I can picture myself doing. I thought about maybe trying nursing out because of the financial security, but I wasn’t so sure if I’d be able to keep up, as it is math and science based and I’m not exactly the best in science but I’m pretty much the worst in math. Honestly, I kind of regret dropping my nursing classes (that I didn’t take; I recently registered for classes), but I must admit that I did a pretty good job convincing myself that I was entirely capable of the job. I was a pretty good liar after I haphazardly decided to take the nursing direction in courses at the Course Counselor’s office. Then I called her back a week later, dropping those courses and trying to stick along an English major route.

It seemed like I abandoned this blog, and I did. But I thought about it a lot. And I guess I should stick with it. I’ll be honest, though. It was hard trying to write good blog posts and then seeing such a low number of views and even comments. I have to tell myself that this is what everybody else goes through and not because I fail at everything.

I’m sure that I’ll be updating you on my summer problems this year. I had one that I wanted to bring up, but I couldn’t bring myself to it; I was on a roll. Please look forward to my other posts. Thank you very much for reading!

Boruto: Naruto Next Generations Episode 1 Review

Background Info

Alright, so I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this on my blog before but… I love Naruto. I love Naruto so much. I’ve watched it since I was a kid on Cartoon Network and Toonami. My love for Naruto has never wavered, even though I stopped watching Naruto Shippuden in the middle of it. In fact, I loved Naruto so much that it pained me to watch the 4th Great Ninja war. I recently finished it and it brought me a lot of pain and anxiety, but I did it.

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But what I want to do with you guys today is review the first episode of Boruto. I’ve never done a review before so we’re just gunna see how this works. And this is coming straight from the heart so be prepared.

The Official Review

IF THIS AIN’T SOME NONSENSE, THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS. How did they— I’m honestly shook out of my life. I was so excited for the first episode and then the first thing I see is some ugly evil guy, talkin’ ‘bout some “I can take you to where I brought the 7th hokage.” WHERE??? Where did you bring him??? I must be mistaken. Can somebody PLEASE just… LOCATE this LOCATION on Google Maps for me. Donde esta??? Where???

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I didn’t ask for this. I can’t believe in the very first episode of this series they told my weak little soul that MY BOY NARUTO D— THEY TOLD ME THAT— I—I can’t… I can’t believe the nonsense that I personally witnessed. They over there, talkin’ ‘bout some my boy Naruto died. WHACHU MEAAAAAANNNNNNN? Esta CONFUSED. HURT. But mostly— CONFUSED.

Can somebody please show me the list of people who tried to kill Naruto??? Maybe half the bad guys in the series, lol. So… Kishimoto is trying to tell ME that NARUTO got killed by some guy who looks like he just emerged from some trash compactor landfill??? You can’t be serious. Say it ain’t so. Like I said, if this ain’t some nonsense, then I don’t know what is. I truly don’t know. Honestly, truly.

And who gave my boy Boruto the Kakashi??? Who hurt him??? Who slashed my son’s son??? Let me find out. I’m a full-fledged shinobi starting today, okay. I’m going to the Leaf Village myself and somebody better come at me with the facts.

And why do bad guys like to be like, “Remember how I killed this guy that’s close to you? Hahaha.” I remember when MY BOY NEJI died and Obito was out there in those streets, talkin’ ‘bout some, “Look at your boy Neji. Why you tryna fight me? I just killed your mans.” And guess what happened to him? Obito died. Why didn’t anybody tell him??? Talk trash about the Uzumaki squad and you die, like, easy as that. I can’t believe the nonsense. Now Boruto REALLY gunna kill you.

Anyway, y’all can tell I’m heated. I’ve been talking about the same scene for ummm… all of this review, lol.

Okay, so, moving on.

So, my boy Shikadai has apparently been Boruto’s Day One, just like Shikamaru to Naruto. He’s just like Shikamaru; Shika my BOYYY. Can we just talk about for a quick second how Shikamaru always believed in Naruto??? Like, #SquadGoals. Anyway! They kind of made it seem like Shikadai was Boruto’s lil… butler or something? Like, no, let my boy Shikadai live for himself and occasionally help Boruto’s crazy self out, lol. But I like him. He seems good.

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Soooo, this Denki kid. Boruto catches some kids in these streets messing with him and saves him. I thought, “Awwww, that’s cute, maybe they can be really close friends now.” But wait, hol’ up. This kid goes and gets bitten by a snake, smh. Orochimaru is that you??? And that snake turns him evil. Okay, I don’t have to give an entire play-by-play of the episode do I? Let me just tell y’all what’s on my mind. Is Denki the Kawaki guy at the beginning who said that Naruto caught those hands??? Is this another Tobi/Obito/Madara thing again??? Does he want us to think that Denki turns evil and later kills Naruto and fights Boruto? Tbh, it’s working, lol. And I didn’t read the manga, so maybe some of these are answered, idk.

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And I’m sorry but… WHY DID HE MAKE THOSE KIDS SO UGLY??? Like… they’re supposed to be cute lil kids that make you go “aww” but the only “aww” I have is “aww, tragic.” When I first saw Boruto I was like, “…Dang, that kid is ugly.” And he made Naruto ugly too, with that “I just got out the military a few weeks ago” haircut. How did everybody in Team 7 glo’ up but Naruto, the main character? I’m confused. Hurt. But mostly confused.

AND WHERE’S MY BOY KAKASHI? What am I? Confused. Hurt. And what can’t I do? Go on. Somebody find my boy Kakashi.

And wait, if a snake bit that Denki guy… is that the work of Orochimaru? But like, I thought he “turned good” or something? I liked him for the first time at the end of Naruto when he was goofing off in the background, lol. And what’s up with him and Yamato? I read that he was spying on him or something but I’m not sure.

I thought this episode was okay. I’m not opposed to Boruto in anyway; I’m excited for the show. But if Kishimoto starts killing off the original squad, he can dial the number 1-800-THESE-HANDS. I’ll be sure to pick up.

If you’ve never watched Naruto, you should definitely check it out. Naruto is definitely a highlight of my life.

Thank you for reading this wild review!

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P.S. I do not own any of these pictures; I got them off of Google! All credits to their original illustrators!

Volunteering ft. Lil Anxiety Rant

Today, I volunteered at my old school! I’m required by some program that I’m in to volunteer for at least 30 hours and they’re due by April 1st, so I decided to just get them over with today. Hopefully I have enough hours.

In the summer, the program had connections with another program so we had summer jobs. And I believe that I was there for about two weeks. And we were there for three or four hours, four days a week. And wow, doesn’t that sound great? With minimum wage, it should have been—hold on, let me try to work this out, lol. So minimum wage is $7.25. And let’s say that I was there for four hours, four days a week. So, $7.25 times 4 (for the hours) is $29. And times another 4 (for the days) is $116. Wait, seriously? Oh my goodness, that’s not a livable wage. But anyway, so I thought that I would have around $116 in my pocket. However, my program counted those as volunteer hours. Yes, I was pretty pissed off but thank goodness that I got most of my volunteer hours done.

So, I should have received around 32 volunteer hours? But I think I wasn’t there one day so maybe 28 hours. And I needed 30. And I usually volunteer at my old school, and their school day is pretty long so it’s draining, but I get my hours done. I was stressing myself out over if I actually calculated the hours that I needed correctly but I remember saying that all I needed was half of a school day to complete my volunteer hours so I’m slightly more relaxed about it.

And yes, it was my old school, but I wasn’t exactly happy about going back. I just overthink and think the worst of a scenario. So I told myself that it’ll be fine and that maybe I’ll learn something new and take something out of this experience. And I did! I didn’t hate it, so that’s a plus.

I mainly organized libraries, delivered some laptops, and helped a couple of students with their stories. And perhaps the most perplexing task was me trying to explain to a student that you can’t die from dyslexia. That was… a conversation I never expected to have but hmmm moving on.

And it was either too hot or too cold. Not a fan. And I was so hungry that I felt woozy and kind of sick. So my dad let me get picked up at 2, which was great because the school day ended at 4. I don’t think I would have lasted those two hours. And yes, I packed a lunch, but I maybe would have felt awkward eating it so I just pushed through.

I also discovered that I really like helping people with their writing. I was just so happy but next time I wish that I had more time to help them, lol, and that I could express my thoughts better. And maybe I should have spent more time helping students who were actually serious but you know. That’s just the way the time was set up.

I’m actually so glad that I went and I’m proud of myself for trying to be positive about it. I really controlled my own destiny earlier today. I could have loathed coming and shut down, or I could have come into the situation with open arms, like I did today.

Also, there’s one thing that actually made me mad, lol. So, we arrived at like 7:40, but the school started over 20 minutes ago but there was a LOT of kids outside and ummmm, I was freaking out, lol. I looked at the situation in horror and I was like, “Ohhhh nahhhh.” But, I had no choice because after dropping me off, my mom was going straight to work. Even so, I asked her to stay for just a minute longer—I wasn’t mentally prepared for these kids to be outside. I had to walk through them and I was freaking out. And, lol, do you know those clickbait articles? “Man steals lady’s purse, what she does next is unbelievable!” So, my mom took my breath away, what she did next was horrible! She said, “Don’t start with that anxiety crap,” or something. Like… excuse me? First of all, I never even mentioned to her that I have anxiety (maybe my therapist did, idk), and second of all, she totally wrote off a mental illness as crap? Are you serious? That really infuriated me. And like, if she even thought to mention anxiety, she knows that it’s a real thing! Because if I truly disregarded mental illness I would have been like, “Don’t be nervous, it’ll be okay!” But no, she identified anxiety and brushed it off. Like… are you serious, lol. And I wouldn’t even say that I suffer from anxiety? I just overthink things. Actually, maybe I do have anxiety but it’s gotten a lot better. My social anxiety was horrible back then.

Okay, that paragraph is ridiculously big, lol. Sorry, I got really carried away. Anyway, mmm yass, #determine your destiny. I could make this into a completely different blog post, but let me just say this. Take advantage of those days when you feel like you can. Some days you feel like you can’t, and that’s fine. But when you feel like you can? Take advantage of that happiness; don’t let anything take it from you. Thank you so much for reading!

Should I Take a Gap Year?

I bet you guys thought that I forgot about my blog, huh? Well, I haven’t. I actually think about if I should sit down and write a blog post quite a lot. And now I’m particularly pressed about a certain issue and it was too big to push off to the side. I’m going to stop making excuses and get straight to it.

I kind of want to take a gap year. I feel like I won’t be prepared for college and I have no idea what I want to do or what I’m truly interested in. And for the little interests I have, I’m not sure how well they would help me in the corporate world.

Excuse the awkward transition, but this reason deserves a paragraph of its own. Perhaps the biggest reason why I want to take a gap year is I don’t want to pay thousands of dollars to “find what I want to do in life” in college. I could find what I want to do in the actual real world. I’ll be honest with you; the degree that I have in mind is pretty useless. I plan on majoring in English and mostly because I’m horrible at everything else. I’m bad at math, bad at science, can’t draw, can’t dance, can’t act, can’t sing. I have no talent and if I did, maybe it would be in writing. I’m known at school for my spoken word pieces but I think that anybody could write good spoken word. And I used to be really good at writing essays, but I haven’t gotten any practice at all during school (I don’t have to write a lot of essays and honestly, it’s quite saddening). And also, I’m much better at writing than I am at reading so the reading aspect of the degree is going to be a struggle. I’m a very slow reader and I lose interest quite quickly. If you have to read 200 pages by the next class then that class isn’t for me. And I have quite a bad memory but I actually want to retain information so I’d spend even longer reading a passage, trying to fully understand it. So the path to earning an English degree would be a struggle.

And of course, you always have your pros and cons. The pro of not going into debt for something that you don’t even know would be worth it outweighs most cons to me. There’s the “everybody in your class will be ahead of you; you’ll be stuck with younger peers” con. Honestly, yes, that sounds bad, but would I want to go into debt for that? No. And there’s the “once you get a taste of money, you won’t want to go back to school” possible con. And honestly, it’s sensible. But I know myself and I think that I’d definitely go to college at some point (most likely the next year) to get a degree. In this world, you don’t really need a degree, but I feel as though it’d help me personally. For what? I’m not entirely sure. And there’s the arguments about “What if they don’t let you defer?” and applying again and I guess all that technical stuff. My main concern is that if I take a gap year, I hope that nothing would require me to be in touch with my old high school again. I would just like to move forward from there.

There’s actually not a lot of information on gap years on the internet. Even on YouTube, there’s scarce accounts of somebody’s gap year. And what’s surprising about that is the few people who took gap years are mostly English or British! And there’s gap year programs but they’re all pretty much ridiculously expensive. I even saw one for $19,000. Honestly, just go to college, lol.

And honestly, I don’t really want to “travel the world.” I’m not interested in going backpacking in the mountains of some other country. I just want to find what I like and how to make it into a job. Or even finding out what I don’t like could be a lot. I want to be showered with valuable life lessons and see what the real world is like. Maybe I need to take a gap year to see that I don’t need to take a gap year.

And I’m scared of not getting a job straight out of college. Aren’t we all? And as soon as I graduate, that’s when I have to start paying back the loans, I’m pretty sure. And if it’s sooner… Oh my goodness. Being in debt… That’s not a world that I want to walk into.

Maybe I could blog full-time and try to make money off of it. If I truly want to do that, I guess that I should be working hard right now at it. And something that I really want to do is start a YouTube channel. Many of my friends have actually told me that I should and that I’d be great at it. The excuses keeping me back from it right now are: no camera, no editing program, no idea what to film, lighting/set-up. Maybe I could earn money to at least buy a camera and editing program and take it from there. I have a Windows laptop so it doesn’t come pre-installed. I’ve even been thinking about YouTube video ideas lately. Maybe I could do skits by myself? I was thinking about just writing some lines. I wrote a play so why can’t I write a YouTube video? I need to stop holding myself back. Maybe I could set my eyes on an editing program and look up videos on how to use it. Maybe I could prepare myself now! I just need to hold myself accountable.

What I also want to do is clear out my room. I’ve been into watching minimalism videos and I am anything but. They’ve helped me to throw out/donate a lot of my clothes but not nearly enough. If I were to go to college and stay at home then it would be very hard to study in my room. I need a huge makeover.

I’m just thinking about a lot and kind of stressing myself out. What do you guys think? Have you taken a gap year? Would you? Anything? Thank you for reading!

Why I Hate Ladybugs

When I was a little kid, I thought ladybugs were cute and harmless. If you ever showed a kid a ladybug, they would gasp and ask to keep it. If you showed me a ladybug, I would have a look of horror on my face.

My school has a serious ladybug infestation. I have never heard of a “ladybug infestation” before coming here. Who would ever think in a million years that there could be too much ladybugs in the world? Well, as of 2017, I want them all gone. I can’t even open my windows unless I want to see families of ladybugs crawling about and their dead bodies litter the ledge underneath. They crawl along the ceiling of my room and tango with the overhead light. And my overheard light is sort of like a bowl attached to the ceiling to every time I turn the light on, I can see the dead ladybug bodies on the bottom of it. They just crawl about as if they own the place and it drives me insane.

The bathroom on my floor is disgusting; they ladybugs are on the sink, on the stall doors, scattered all across the lights and partying on the blinds. Every time I look up, there’s a ladybug just bopping along like they have somewhere to go. And the scariest part is those insane ladybugs who just fly around for no reason, scaring you. And I am terrified of the ones who trash against the overhead lamp. I can’t even be on my phone at night; I have to go under the covers because some ladybug would attack me for the light.

They’re disgusting for being insects and especially because their underside is sickening. What’s horrible is when they crawl across the mirror in the bathroom when I’m brushing my teeth or washing my hands and I can see not only their fronts, but their backs.

Not to be dramatic or anything, but I’m honestly traumatized by ladybugs. Seeing them stresses me out and honestly just disgusts me. I can’t wait until I graduate and go home because I can’t bear to see these ladybugs anymore. My worst nightmare would be to bring one of them home and—I can’t even begin to imagine this. And my brother goes to my school so he BETTER NOT. When I move out, I need to shake everything that I own and make sure no remnants of those creatures remain with me. And if I ever see a ladybug outside of this school, I’m going to freak out and go the other way.

I’m not going to attach any pictures because they gross me out. I don’t understand how pictures of bugs don’t gross every single person ever out. Something I hate the most is when you spontaneously look up a bug and they show you pictures. Like… please… just don’t. I could happily live the rest of my life without ever seeing a picture of an insect again.

The only infestation that I would be down for is a cat infestation. Does Mr. Whiskers and Mr. Fluffles want to come inside for a cup of Meow Mix? Then they can come right in. My family used to actually care for an entire family of stray cats until they disappeared. I actually really miss them; I grew up with those cats. But anyway, I’d replace ladybugs with cats anyday.

They make my skin crawl, they sometimes find their way onto my stuff and they just won’t die. My favorite thing is kicking them down the drain so that I never have to see them again. And if you “irritate” them, they smell and leave yellow streaks. Anyway, they’re not paying tuition so they don’t belong here.

I hate ladybugs and I wish every single one of them drops dead. Thank you for reading.

240p Inspirational Post

March 4, 2017

 

Hey guys! I’m writing another little nightly post. Not exactly sure what it’s going to be about but we’ll see. It’s 11:23 now and once again, I want to try to write something before it hits 12.

Do any of you guys wear contacts? My contacts always get blurry and especially towards the end of the day. Even in the middle of the day, it was kind of blurry, which is kind of weird. I think my optometrist said something like my eyes weren’t able to breathe? I guess the contacts stop the oxygen flow or something? I’m not entirely sure; don’t call the National Optometrist Association on me. And don’t start it so that you can call them on me because I have no idea if they actually exist, lol.

This isn’t the most high quality blog post, but we’re going to make it work because that’d just how life goes. And you never know what’s going to happen. Literally everything you do changes your life in some way. You walking down a certain street and not the other could totally change your future. Maybe I could think of the world’s most amazing idea while writing this, who knows. Always keep your options open and expose yourself to everything that you can.

I always think about how I’m not really living life. I’m not really doing anything fun or interesting ever. Something I always tell myself is, “Live so the dead would be jealous.” This may or may not sound acceptable, I’m not sure. But like, life is a gift and a journey that you should live to the fullest. And when you’re dead… you can’t live. You have to take advantage of what you have right now in this moment, and that’s something that I haven’t been doing. If any dead person came back to life right now, honestly, they’d get #LIT. Once you think about it, there’s literally nothing to lose. As long as you don’t hurt yourself or others, then just do it. Haha, I love to give advice that I should be taking myself.

But, anyway, just do it! And I’m trying to tell myself to do that too. I’d rather regret doing something than not doing it. Hey, would you look at that. I started this blog post not knowing what the heck I was going to be talking about.

And seriously, everything happens for a reason. Maybe you’ll read this low quality inspirational post and take a step towards doing what you want. And I’d be honored if that was actually my purpose right now and I helped you to meet yours. This is your reminder to live, guys. You only get to do it for so long.

Thank you for reading!

Lil Update

March 3, 2017

 

Hey guys! I just wanted to write a post before it hits 12:00 so that I can say that I made a post on the 2nd.

I don’t really feel inspired to write now so I’ll just… yeah! I’m just having a lot of anxiety right now and it’s hard for me to think positively. It’s just the usual anxiety; me thinking that a loser and irrelevant. I’m definitely irrelevant though, I’ve been told that. So that’s not a surprise.

But a good thing that happened today was my school performed the play that I wrote! They chose 8 student-written played to perform and mine was among them! The director did an AMAZING job and the play was much better. I’m glad that I took that “Writing For Performance” class; I never would have thought about writing a play otherwise.

Anyway, I have some homework to do. I’ll talk to you guys later. Thank you for reading!

March 2: A Ramble

March 2, 2017

 

I already posted two times today but they were something that I had written in advance. I want to take some time to write a fresh blog post. But I’m not too sure what to write about…

I just wanted to say that hopefully I can keep up with blogging and that it continues to be something that I can enjoy. In my free time, I like to think about what kinds of posts that I could make. I think I should go with the flow instead of strictly blogging one thing. I’m not much of an expert in any one topic so that would be fitting.

Something about me is I really appreciate the Korean culture and Korean pop culture. I listen to KPOP and watch Korean dramas. I was thinking about maybe doing song reviews or Korean drama reviews. However, I’m quite lazy and it takes me months to finish a series out of that same laziness. But if it’s for the sake of the blog, I’d just have to step it up. I’m not making any promises though; I’m on a whole ‘nother level of lazy.

And since we’re talking about KPOP, I would like to mention that I am an EXO-L, and the world’s biggest Wu Yifan/Kris Wu enthusiast. I love him so much and he deserves another post, honestly. And I’m helplessly in love with Park Chanyeol. Not something that I’m too proud of, haha, but he’s pretty great, and that’s the only time you’ll hear me say that!

This was just a lighthearted blog post and I’m ready to go to bed. I also have to wake up early to wash my hair. I have no idea what I’m going to do with it but we’ll see. Thank you so much for reading!

An Original Poem

Hey guys! So, I love to write poems when inspiration hits, but I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a poet. Here’s one of my shortest pieces (I usually do spoken word and slam poetry poems).

Destined
By Maya (me!)

The world was thrown at her
Because she could lift it off her shoulders

There was no challenge
That she couldn’t win

Because anything that she went through
She was meant to pull through

If she could not
It would not have been given to her